It Wasn't a Mistake
by DragonMage
Summary: 1x5. Wufei and Heero end up sleeping with each other after a reunion party, and remembers nothing of the night. Heero tries to forget it. Problem is that, as much as he wants to leave the whole night behind, he can't. Memories of being with Wufei traps hi


It Wasn't a Mistake  
By: DragonMage  
  
Notes: Ah, I needed something to keep me busy and I decided to work on one of my favorite pairings! *V*  
  
Pairings: 1x5  
  
Warnings: Yaoi  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the GWing boys  
  
"What's done can't be undone."   
---Shakespeare  
  
  
AC 198--On Earth  
Chang Wufei stared off at nothing as he tried to ignore the other man in the room who sat only a few feet away from him on the edge of the bed. He was leaning against the headboard of the expansive bed they were sitting on; the sheets pulled up to his waist, leaving him naked from the waist up. His long black hair was left down, brushing his biceps. They had grown out the past two years and he hadn't bothered to really cut it back to his usual shoulder length but left it to grow as long as it pleased.  
  
The entire room was silent save for both men's slow breathing as they tried to make some sense of the situation they were in.   
  
"I can't believe...we did that," the other man finally said, breaking the silence like shattering a piece of fragile glass.   
  
Wufei shrugged. "Yes, it happened."   
  
"What are we going to do now?"   
  
"What do you mean?" Wufei asked. He reached up and brushed away some strands of hair from his face. "We're not going to do anything. It's all going to go back to the way it's supposed to be." He paused. "It was a mistake, Heero. We were both drinking a little too much during the party and got carried away. If...she was here I doubt it would have happened."   
  
"So you want to pretend it never happened?" Heero Yuy asked.   
  
"What else do you want? It will do us no good if we actually try to make *something* out of this. Yes, we slept with each other, but I doubt it meant much during our drunken haze," Wufei said, shrugging. He slid out of bed, grabbed his long white shirt off the floor and slid it on. It fell to his thighs. "I'm going to go shower. If you want to stay, you may." Then he disappeared into said bathroom.   
  
Wufei walked over to the mirror and looked at himself. His hair was damp still from their activities and there were some bite marks and finger bruises along his golden skin around his shoulders and arms. He winced slightly and slid out of the shirt he had donned to cover his nudity in front of Heero. He ran his fingers through his hair and gave his body another look over before slipping into the shower. He washed underneath the almost burning hot water, reveling in the scalding feeling. It was almost as if he was washing away last night's activities doing this. But he paused as he washed his hair. Did he want to wash them all away? He mentally shrugged and continued showering. There was no point in dwelling on things that didn't have a chance.  
  
While Chang Wufei showered in the bathroom, Heero Yuy was still sitting on the bed, unbelieving of what had happened between him and a fellow ex-pilot.   
  
It had just been another reunion party but this time it had been held at Wufei's luxurious home in California. Everyone had been a bit surprised to find Wufei had enough money to buy such a beautiful mansion in the northern California woods.   
  
"But what else is the sole heir to the Dragon Clan fortune supposed to do?" Wufei had asked them when he noticed the curious expressions.  
  
That had explained it.   
  
The party had been wonderful. Even Quatre had been surprised Wufei had such taste and talent for throwing such a fun party. Around two o'clock in the morning people had started to leave, but some had stayed over since Wufei had offered his home to anyone who didn't feel like staying in a hotel. Heero had been one of those people. Relena had been unable to make it to the party due to her responsibilities but had insisted Heero went. So Heero went. He hadn't expected anything to happen although it had been a bit much to see the Chinese pilot again. Wufei had always been so distant...and then there was that thing during the battle against Mariemeia.   
  
Obviously both Asian men had had too much to drink and when they woke up again they were in Wufei's bed. Heero only vaguely remembered going to Wufei's bedroom after everyone had left...He couldn't remember the conversation that had went between them or what caused him to enter Wufei's room and end up sleeping with the Chinese man.  
  
What he *did* remember clearly though, was that it had been one of the most...mind-blowing things he had experienced in a *very* long time. And that was what unnerved him the most. Was he supposed to enjoy it that much? There *had* to be something wrong with enjoying sex with a fellow pilot who *wasn't* his lover.   
  
A mess of confusion and emotions, Heero wondered what he should do next. Should he take Wufei's advice and pretend it never happened? Go back to Relena and have everything be better again? Or at least normal? With Relena he had a chance at a normal life. He wasn't the Perfect Soldier. He was just Heero Yuy, in love with Relena Dorlain, another girl, a *normal* girl, who adored him. What kind of life would he lead if he had another Gundam pilot for a lover? Their pains, their suffering, was too close. He wouldn't be able to find solace in Wufei's arms. All he would find is another version of the pain they had all went through during the war...  
  
Right?   
  
He wasn't sure. He was so confused. If it hadn't been so good, so wonderful, he wouldn't have given a damn. He would have brushed it off as a mistake and follow Wufei's lead to pretend it never happened. But he *couldn't* do that. Not when...not when he actually found something that eased a part of him he had never expected to be put to rest. He actually *did* find some sort of comfort and solace with Wufei.   
  
A part of him wished this had never happened and another part hoped it would happen again. What was wrong with him? Didn't he love Relena? If he did, he wouldn't be sitting here considering Wufei as a lover--if the Chinese man wanted him in the first place. He had said it was a mistake. Was it a mistake?   
  
Heero suddenly got angry. Was he the only one who actually felt something during that time? Was it so one-sided? He suddenly wanted answers. He hoped Wufei would get out of the shower soon; he wanted to talk. Badly.   
  
After a few more minutes, the bathroom door opened and Wufei appeared. He was dressed in nothing but a towel, his hair wet and hanging loose, dripping on to the carpeted floor.  
  
"You're still here. I thought you would have left already," he remarked as he walked past Heero to the closet. He pulled it open, not giving a damn about modesty, and pulled out a black shirt with a dragon stitched into the left side and dark blue jeans. He grabbed his underwear and pulled it on underneath the towel before his pants followed. The towel fell away and he pulled his shirt on, only bothering to button a few buttons and leaving the rest free. He was too warm. He grabbed the towel off the floor and began to dry his hair.   
  
"We need to talk," Heero said, his tone leaving no question about his desire to for conversation.   
  
Wufei walked over to the window and stared out of it, his eyes not taking in the peaceful surroundings of the California woods. "About what?" While he had been in the shower, he had had a lot to think about. He had a bit of trouble remembering what had happened last night. He only remembered small parts of what his alcohol induced mind had allowed him to remember. One of them was the feeling of Heero on top of him, inside of him. How could a person forget those kinds of sensations? Especially when it came from someone you cared deeply about? He quickly shoved away those feelings. There was no point in hashing over *those*. He had had three years to do that and it always came up with the same conclusion: He would never have Heero Yuy.   
  
"You know what, Wufei," Heero said quietly as he watched the Chinese man dry his hair. Long silk strands that Heero only dimly remembered running his fingers through. He suddenly wondered how would it feel to run his fingers through them now, while they were slick from the shower.  
  
"It's not important, Heero," Wufei said dismissively. "It happened. We were both drunk. There's no need to feeling any obligation or guilt over anything. Just go back to your life and forget about this. I intend to." Oh, but he was never going to forget this. The one night he had Heero Yuy in his bed and he could barely remember it. How cruel the Fates were.   
  
Heero stood up, his body tense. He wore only his jeans, the first thing he had pulled on when he had woken up to find Wufei beside him, breathing softly in his sleep and completely naked. He had also been aware of the bruises and marks on the Chinese man's delicate skin. He felt a flush of shame over them. He had hurt Wufei, he had been violent in bed.  
  
"Do you really?" he challenged.   
  
Wufei turned, his velvet eyes revealing nothing but a passive feeling that Heero couldn't pin down. "Yes. The past is past. It was a mistake. But what can you do about it? You can't turn back time." He shrugged. "Go back to Relena, Heero. She's waiting for you."   
  
And you will not wait for me? Heero wondered suddenly, feeling a quick slice of pain that had been totally unexpected. It was irrational, he realized. Wufei was right. There was no point in killing himself over this--no matter how wonderful it had been. He should be grateful. Wufei was giving him a way out; he wasn't demanding anything from him after that night. He could go back to Relena, go back to his normal life, and forget about last night. Everything could go back to the way it was and should be.   
  
Heero nodded slowly. "You're right," he finally said. "There is no point in trying to make any feelings or attachments from last night." He turned and gathered his clothing off the floor, occasionally brushing along one of Wufei's pieces of clothing. He straightened and turned to face the Chinese man who still stood beside the window with the white, damp towel in his small, golden hands. Without meaning to, Heero wondered how did it feel when those small, delicate yet strong hands on his body.  
  
"Do you want any breakfast before leaving? I don't want to be a bad host and let you leave here hungry," Wufei said lightly as he stepped away from the window, his bare feet padding across the soft carpet. He walked past Heero and headed for the door. All Heero could smell was the delicate scent of Wufei's shampoo and body wash mixed in with cool, fresh water.   
  
"No. I'm just going to take a shower and leave," he finally murmured.   
  
Wufei turned his head, his hand on the knob, ready to leave the room, and nodded. He then turned and left the room, closing the door with a soft 'click'.   
  
Heero stood there for a long time, staring at the door in confusion and wonder. Then he went off to do what he had said he would do. He had to get out of here before he did anything stupid. Like take Wufei on any hard surface around the beautiful mansion.   
  
~*~  
The sounds of breakfast being made downstairs could be heard as Heero headed down. He had his duffel in one hand and his jacket in the other. He had brought an overnight bag and now wore his extra change of clothing consisting of a white T-shirt and light blue jeans with rips around the knees and shins. He had done a lot in that pair of jeans and they were his most comfortable pair.   
  
He followed the sounds to the kitchen to find Wufei on his knees, searching through the lower cabinets along the kitchen counter for pancake batter. The Chinese man looked up when he heard Heero's heavy boots on the tiled floors.   
  
"Breakfast or no breakfast?" he asked simply as he stood up with the box of batter in hand. His hair was still wet and loose, framing his face, the droplets of water left reflecting in the morning sunlight pouring into the big kitchen.  
  
On impulse, Heero decided to eat. "Breakfast."   
  
"Change of mind?" Wufei smiled slightly and turned to face the four-burner stove. He poured some corn oil onto the pan and started mixing the batter as the oil warmed.   
  
"Yes," he answered simply as he sat down on the table in the middle of the kitchen. He watched as Wufei worked, the Chinese man's movement's simple and smooth, graceful, even as he made a small mistake and put too much batter in one spot.   
  
Wufei didn't make any conversation as he worked, and neither did Heero as he watched. They weren't talkative people by nature; both were pretty taciturn. Which made Heero wonder, again, what good would it do him if he stayed with Wufei--if the man accepted him? Wufei had been quick to brush everything off. Maybe Heero was playing with himself, actually believing that the night had meant something to Wufei.  
  
The kitchen was silent save the pancakes simmering on the pan and Wufei's movements as he stirred up some eggs and fried them on another pan.   
  
"Do you want help?" Heero asked after a while of watching Wufei work.   
  
"That would help. Can you take care of the bacon and eggs while I watch the pancakes?" Wufei asked, looking over at Heero briefly.   
  
Heero nodded and stood up from his seat. He walked over to the pan with the bacon and eggs and started working. He never got to cook much since Relena's staff pretty much covered that in the morning and dinner. Lunch was always eaten out while they both went to take care of their own respective jobs. Heero had became head of security among Relena's staff, thus making it very convenient for both of them when Relena needed a body-guard escort to her many social gatherings and peace assemblies.   
  
Suddenly, Heero wondered what Wufei did for a living. The Chinese man had quit the Preventers after only being with them for a few months and then they hadn't heard from him ever since until recently with the reunion party. What had he been doing with himself this past year and a half?   
  
Ah, well, if you want answers, bluntness is one way to go, Heero reasoned with himself. He looked up from the frying bacons. "So, what do you do for a living?"   
  
Wufei looked up, brushing away some errant strands of hair from his face. "I own a bookstore in town."   
  
"A bookstore?"   
  
"Yes, well, it isn't much and I don't need it, really. The Dragon Clan's fortune is more than enough to keep me content for the rest of my life, but I needed something to do to keep myself busy. I've always had a thing for books so I opened a bookstore," Wufei explained in a quiet, calm voice, his expression saying nothing of his thoughts.   
  
"Do you make good money?" Heero asked.   
  
"Ah, well, there's nothing better to do in this town. It's pretty quiet so people read a lot," Wufei offered.   
  
Heero nodded and continued to flip the bacon. So, Wufei owned a bookstore. Funny, he never seemed bookish to me. Not while he was wielding that sword of his and screaming about justice.  
  
They had all changed a lot after the war. Duo wasn't as crazy as he was, subduing somewhat from his usual Shinigami self; Quatre has had a lot less stress to deal with so he was even more cheerful as well more laid back; and Trowa--and this surprised many--became a pretty good conversationalist. There was a lot going through the Latin man's head that they had never knew or realized. He, himself, was trying to lead a life away from missions and his laptop.   
  
And Wufei...Wufei had just became more fey. More...unreal and unearthly. His ideals, his thoughts, they were not of the real world where things like justice and honor had no place. It seemed like he had drifted more now that war was over and he had nothing to focus on.  
  
Soon the pancakes were nice and golden, the eggs fluffy and the bacon crisp. Wufei set the table, poured the coffee and they sat down for a quiet breakfast. Heero occasionally looked around the place, noting that there were no servants to help keep the house but he didn't ask Wufei about it. It really wasn't any of his business and he really didn't care. What was the point of asking?   
  
When breakfast was finished, Heero gathered his things and started for the door. Wufei followed him. The whole entire place was still a bit messy from the night before and Heero knew Wufei was going to have a lot of cleaning up to do after he was gone. He wondered if Wufei hired a cleaning crew.   
  
"Thank you, Wufei," Heero said when they reached door.   
  
"You're welcome. I'm suspecting next year's reunion party might be at Maxwell's place," Wufei remarked lightly as he pulled open the door and watched as Heero stepped outside. He watched as the Japanese man made his way over to his black sports car and get inside. Then he turns and closed the door, hopefully closing the door on ever being involved with Heero Yuy ever again.   
  
~*~  
L1--Dorlain Mansion  
"Heero! Welcome back!" Relena Dorlain exclaimed happily as she ran down the steps of the mansion to greet her lover. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, her small body caught in his strong arms. She pulled back, laughing, and kissed him gently on the lips. "How was the party? I'm so sorry I missed it!"   
  
"Relena," Heero said simply as he hugged the girl again before releasing her. She smiled, her eyes alit with love, and stepped back. She looked her lover over once and smiled, pleased with what she found.   
  
"You look great. Are you hungry after your flight? I'll have the servants fix something for you," she said, her words just pouring out of her mouth as she grabbed Heero's hand and tugged him inside.   
  
"No, I don't need any food. I had some before I left Earth," Heero said, shaking his head.   
  
"So, how was the party?" Relena asked, going back to her original question. She pulled him into the parlor and summoned a tray of tea to be brought as well as coffee. She smiled winsomely at Heero. "I know you prefer coffee to tea."   
  
Heero smiled and nodded as he sat down and dropped his bag on the burgundy carpet. It was different from Wufei's white one.   
  
"How was everyone? I *am* really sorry I missed out on it," Relena said with some regret.   
  
"Oh, it was just another reunion party. Nothing special about it. Everyone showed up and we drank too much," Heero said, shrugging.   
  
"Did you guys do anything special? How are Quatre and Trowa?" Relena asked. She smiled when the tea was brought as well as the coffee. The tray was set on the table and Relena started preparing the coffee just the way Heero liked it.  
  
"They're doing fine and adopting too many children," Heero said, watching as Relena worked. Her movements were smooth, yes, but they were nothing like Wufei's. There was no true grace or ease in them. It was like something practiced over and over until it was finally perfected. Wufei's ease came naturally. Suddenly realizing where his thoughts were headed, Heero ordered himself to stop. He would stop thinking about Wufei and focus on Relena. Relena was the one who loved him and he loved her back. With her he had a chance to be happy and normal with none of his past to drag him behind. She didn't cause him to remember the war, she only gave him hope and peace and love.   
  
"Quatre feels too guilty about those war orphans. Its not as if it was entirely all of your five's fault. There were many things that added to the war that cannot be laid on your hands," Relena said, her voice slightly scolding of Quatre's feelings towards the war orphans. "But then, his heart has always been too soft."   
  
"He's an empath, Relena," Heero reminded her.   
  
"I know," Relena said, nodding. She stirred the coffee and handed it over to Heero. "There. I hope it's just right." She smiled. "So, what else happened? How's Wufei?"   
  
Heero almost choked on his coffee at the mention of Wufei. It was one thing to think about it, totally another to actually mention him out loud.   
  
"He's doing good as well. He owns a bookstore," was all Heero could manage as he tried to block out the image of Wufei the morning he left from Earth.   
  
"A bookstore? Wow, really? Hmm...I never pegged him as the type. I thought he'd...open a martial arts class or something." Relena laughed and sipped her tea. "Anything else? How's Duo?"   
  
"He's doing fine. He's pretty much the same except he's not as crazy anymore without his Gundam," Heero said with a certain amount of amusement. "Oh, and, ah, he's also dating Zechs."   
  
"My brother?" Relena gasped, her eyes bugging. "But...I thought he was with Lucrezia Noin!"   
  
"They broke up."  
  
"Wow...Hmm...next time I see Milliardo we are going to have a talk." Relena shook her head, the smile still on her face.   
  
Heero watched as Relena started chattering about everything that had happened to her the last few days while he was gone. He smiled slightly. This is what I want. Someone who's innocent, who doesn't have blood on their hands. Someone who can smile and laugh...What do I need with a stoic pilot who's face would crack the minute he tries to smile? But even as he tried to convince himself that Relena was what he wanted, he still couldn't shake the feeling that Wufei was what he *needed*.   
  
~*~  
Later that night, after hours of making love, Heero laid in bed with Relena tucked against him. She was breathing lightly, her breath warm and sweet against his skin. It had been good, yes. It was always good with Relena. But, to his frustration, anger and confusion, it was nothing like that night with Wufei. And he could barely remember that one!   
  
Heero closed his eyes and tried not to groan out loud. What was wrong with him? Did he want to give up all of this...this entire normalcy for Wufei? A pilot he had barely seen during the first war and someone he fought against during the time with Mariemeia. How could Wufei mean anything to him? Why should he mean anything? They barely knew each other!   
  
No, that was a lie. They did know each other. The very few times Wufei had actually hid out with them, Heero remembered. He remembered Wufei liked to get up very early and practice his katas, he remembered Wufei liked to drink tea every morning and every night, that Wufei liked to sit down and meditate after a mission. How Wufei would actually tolerate Duo's company when the American was feeling pretty bad about something and was at his most whining mood. He also had infinite patience and an incredible pain tolerance. Heero remembered the time Wufei came back from a mission with bullet wounds and shards of glass in his legs and arms. He didn't even utter a word of complaint as he limped off to the bathroom to tend to his wounds. He never complained, once. He always kept everything inside. Heero absently wondered if that was healthy.   
  
What is wrong with me? There has to be something wrong. How can I be so...selfish? Relena has given me all that I want...yet, I can't love her entirely like she should be loved. Instead, I'm laying in bed thinking about a man that I have only laid with once. He wanted to scream and hit something. He had never experienced such frustration with himself before. He should have been happy, but he wasn't. Damn, damn, damn...I wish that never happened. Maybe then I wouldn't have to deal with all this crap.   
  
Yet even as he berated himself and wished he had never slept with Wufei, he couldn't help but realize that he didn't truly regret it. He also realized that if Relena weren't part of his life, he would have actually gone to Wufei. And that was what scared him. Did he really want Wufei? Only one night and the Chinese man had shown him something he had never experienced with Relena. How strange was that? It killed him.   
  
Finally, after he exhausted him with his own torturous thoughts and feelings, Heero drifted off to sleep.   
  
~*~  
"Heero? Is something wrong?" Relena asked the next morning when she noticed that her lover wasn't exactly all there. In fact, he had been acting a bit strange ever since he came back home. Had something happened at the party she didn't know about? She wished Heero would tell her. She would have loved to help him, naturally, because he was her lover. Someone she cares deeply about.   
  
Heero looked up from his breakfast and shook his head. "No, there's nothing wrong."   
  
"Are you sure?" Relena asked slowly. She knew there was something wrong now, just looking at Heero's posture and hearing his voice. He was tense and confused about something.   
  
"Yes," Heero answered shortly, not wishing to share his thoughts with his lover. He had a lot to think about, most, of which he did not want Relena privy to.   
  
Relena frowned. "No, there's something wrong. Please tell me. I want to help you if you're going through something. You don't have to go through it alone."   
  
"It's not important, Relena," Heero said, shaking his head. "I just have a lot to think about, that's all."   
  
"Does it have to do with the party?"   
  
Heero looked up, startled. "Why do you ask?"   
  
"I don't know," Relena said slowly, now wondering just *what* happened at the party. "It's just that you've been acting strange since you came back from it." She paused. "Are you *sure* everything's all right?"   
  
"Yes," Heero said, his voice dismissing the entire subject with one word.   
  
Relena nodded and wisely remained silent. If Heero wanted to tell her something, she would wait for him to tell her. But she wasn't going to wait for long.   
  
~*~  
Relena sat in front of the phone, wondering if what she was going to do was right. But she had to know what was wrong with Heero! She didn't like it when he kept things from her. When he did, she knew that their relationship wouldn't be able to work out. He needed to know that it was okay to open up to her, which she was willing to help him and she wouldn't judge him. Or at least she hoped her loyalty would hold out that long. She knew--call it female intuition--that whatever had happened at the party had involved someone else. Heero...Heero was thinking about someone else. Question was who?   
  
Finally gathering all her courage, she started dialing Quatre Raberba Winner's phone number. She knew she could probably get something out of him. He was the friendliest among the ex-Gundam pilots.   
  
"Hello, Winner--Oh! Miss Relena!"   
  
Relena smiled at the cheerful, almost cherubic face in front of her. "Hello, Quatre. How have you been?"   
  
Quatre smiled. "I've been good. What about you?"   
  
"Good," Relena said, nodding. She decided to be blunt since small talk wasn't going to get her anywhere. "Quatre, may I ask you a question?"   
  
Quatre nodded. "Sure. Although, depending on the question I might not be able to answer it."   
  
"Ah, well, it has to do with the reunion party at Wufei's house," Relena said, keeping her expression calm and serene.   
  
"What about it? I'm so sorry you couldn't have come. It was really nice and Wufei does know to throw a party," Quatre said, smiling.   
  
Wufei? Throwing a *good* party? I never knew that stiff Chinese man had it in him, Relena mused. She looked at Quatre and cocked her head to the side a bit. "I need to ask you a question. It has to do with Heero."   
  
Quatre's expression immediately changed into one of worry. "What about him? Is he all right?"  
  
Relena felt a bit startled. "Did something happen at the party?"   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Well, that was exactly why I called you. Did something happen at the party with Heero? When he came back...he was a bit distracted and I'm worried," Relena said honestly.   
  
Quatre looked thoughtful. "Distracted? Hmmm...Well, I don't think so...I mean, we all had a bit too much to drink and maybe just a little too much fun but I doubt anything could have happened to him...What do you mean by distracted? A good or bad way?"   
  
Relena shrugged. "I don't know," she said truthfully. "He just came back and I know his mind is focused on something...or someone else. I mean...Did anything happen at the party? Maybe...a girl?"  
  
"You think Heero might have..." Quatre shook his head, his golden bangs falling into his eyes. "I don't think so, Relena. I mean, Heero adores you, doesn't he? No way, even if he did drink too much I doubt it." Even though his words were sincere, Relena felt that Quatre wasn't so sure either. What *had* happened at the party? Quatre had mentioned something about "too much to drink".   
  
"Are you sure?" Relena prodded.   
  
Quatre was silent for a moment. "He did...drink a little too much. He isn't comfortable around too many people, most times. That's why you always see him with a glass of wine or champagne in his hand." Relena nodded in agreement; that was true enough. "But...Maybe you should ask Heero himself. I left a little early since the alcohol had gotten to me just a bit too much. I'm not sure what happened after I left with Trowa."   
  
Relena nodded slowly. "So...I should ask Heero?"   
  
"I think that's wisest."   
  
"Thank you, Quatre," Relena said, nodding. Then she turned off the vid-phone and sat back. Damnit, Heero. I hope you didn't cheat on me! What kind of life will we have when we get married if I can't trust in you? I hope Quatre's right. But even if you didn't remain faithful, it was probably the drink. After all, a man can't control himself when he drinks, right? I'll forgive you if you were unfaithful and I'll make sure you forget about that girl!   
  
~*~  
"Heero, may I speak with you?" Relena stood at the doorway to the library where Heero was lounging by the window with a glass of brandy in his hand. She didn't like Heero's tendency to drink when he had too much to think about but she didn't say anything about it since it seemed to ease him. And she would never deny him something he wanted and needed.   
  
After the phone call with Quatre, she had decided it was best to get it over with before Heero had *too* much time to think about that girl. She wasn't going to lose Heero, not after she had fought so hard to have him. She had made sure every single potential threat against their relationship had been dealt with. She loved Heero and she wasn't going to lose him to some hussy, damn it!  
  
Heero looked up through his bangs, staring at the woman who was supposed to be the comfort for his soul. Yet, as he looked at her, he couldn't find that...ease anymore. Or maybe it had never been there. He was starting to doubt himself and his feelings for Relena. He didn't know what to think anymore, what was real and what was not.  
  
Or maybe the only real thing was that he was deeply attracted to Chang Wufei and he couldn't stop thinking about him.   
  
"Yeah, sure, Relena. What do you have on your mind?" he asked, his voice low as he pulled himself away from his chaotic thoughts.   
  
"I just...Heero, I know something's wrong. What happened at that party? Did you sleep with another girl?" Relena asked hurriedly as she walked over to Heero, her expression forgiving. "If it *did* happen, I'm ready to forgive you. I know too many drinks can confuse a person's mind."   
  
"What makes you think I slept with someone?" Heero asked softly, staring at Relena with unreadable cobalt eyes.   
  
"The way you're acting," Relena said, her confidence wavering a bit. "I mean...you're so distant. *Something* happened. If not sleeping with another woman, than something else. Heero, you *know* you can talk to me." She knelt down beside him. "I'm here for you."   
  
Heero was silent, not looking at Relena. Then he slowly turned and stared at her. He nodded. "I know, Relena."   
  
"So, there isn't another woman?" Relena asked hesitantly. She *had* to know.   
  
Heero suddenly smirked, a self-mocking one and cynical. "No...no there is no other *woman*."   
  
Relena almost breathed a sigh of relief but kept it inside of her. "That's good. And...There's something else I want to talk to you about."   
  
"What is that?"   
  
"Heero, don't you think it's time to get married?" Relena didn't wait for Heero's response. She couldn't lose him! Couldn't let him think too much...She had to hurry him and make him hers--forever--before anything or anyone else could interfere. "I know we love each other and don't you think it's right? I want to be married to you, I want to be your wife. I want...I want to carry your child."   
  
"Marriage?" Heero repeated, almost dumbfounded. Sure, they were lovers but he had never considered marriage. It was something too permanent...something too secure. Isn't that what I need? Something *sure* in my life? he wondered. But do I want to be trapped in a marriage with Relena while I'm still trying to figure Wufei out? Suddenly, he realized what he had thought of...Marriage to Relena...a *trap*. He had thought marriage to Relena was a trap. You weren't supposed to think like that about someone you cared about, did you? Heero had no idea.   
  
"Heero?"   
  
"I don't know..."   
  
"Please, Heero!" Relena suddenly felt desperate; she didn't want to lose him! "Please...please, I love you so much. And I *know* you love me back. Isn't it perfect? Can't we get married, make this...this relationship solid and forever?"   
  
Forever... Did he want forever with Relena? He didn't know! Damn it, ever since he had Wufei he didn't know anything anymore! His whole life was thrown into chaos after spending *one* hazy night with a man who probably could care less about him. Why did things have to be so confusing? Why couldn't they be simple?   
  
"I don't know, Relena. I have a lot to think about," Heero admitted. "I think...I'm going to go away for a little while, okay?" He swallowed the rest of his drink and pressed a kiss to Relena's forehead before leaving the room.   
  
Relena reached up and touched her forehead. He kissed me on...No! Damn it, I've lost him! She clenched her fists tightly and glared out of the window. She had lost him. Even if he didn't know it, she did. He had fallen in love with someone else! Who?? Who could have stolen him from me? Quatre said he hadn't been with anyone...Wait, no, he didn't exactly say that. Damn! She stood up and brushed her skirt off. She seethed quietly. She had to do *something*.   
  
Her chin high and determined, Relena Dorlain left the library, intent on winning back her Heero from whomever had their clutches in him. She had worked too hard to lose him now!!  
  
~*~  
Two days later--Earth  
Wufei cursed his height once more as he tried to reach the very top bookshelf of his shop. He growled softly and tried to jump to get the books into their appropriate spot. He wished he had the stepladder with him, but the damn thing had disappeared off somewhere. He would have to ask David where the boy had put it.   
  
Just as the books tilted into their right places, he lost his balance and fell backwards.   
  
"Aaah--!" He gasped as two strong arms suddenly caught him. He blinked and tried to gather his wits as a very familiar scent filled his nose. He looked up and met cobalt blue eyes. Ah, Heero...What's he doing here? Wufei tried to ignore the heat that had suddenly filled his body as he tried to stand up. Heero helped him.   
  
When he was standing on his own, he dusted himself off and brushed the long strands of hair out of his face. He still held the books in his hand. Damn. They hadn't fell into place when he lost his balance.   
  
"What are you doing here?" he asked, trying not to sound baffled. Wasn't Heero supposed to be on L1 with Relena? What was he doing back on Earth?   
  
"I came to see you," Heero stated simply.   
  
Wufei nodded slowly. "Ah, about what?" He turned and tried to put the books back into their rightful places again. He was still too short by a few inches.   
  
Heero, noticing Wufei's problem, grabbed the books from the Chinese man and slid them into place himself. He didn't have a height problem.   
  
Wufei nodded slowly and smiled slightly. "Thank you. I guess...I should have grown just a little more."  
  
"Is there someplace private where we can talk?" Heero asked quietly.  
  
"About what?" Wufei asked.   
  
"About...the party," Heero said.   
  
Wufei shook his head, suddenly wanting Heero to be back on L1 and faaar away from *him*. "There is nothing to talk about. I don't know why you came back." He walked over to a new shipment of books and started unpacking it. Maybe if he ignored Heero, the Japanese man would go away and leave him alone. He really didn't want to discuss that night. He had had four days to think about it and he knew there was no point in talking about it. Heero had Relena. That settled it. Who would want a Chinese orphan when he could have an ex-princess and vice foreign minister?   
  
"I came back because there is a *lot* of things to talk about." Heero reached out and pulled the books out of Wufei's hands. He spun the other man around and stared at him. "Don't tell me you just want to forget it?"   
  
"Didn't we agree on that?" Wufei asked, suddenly feeling desperation through his serenity. He always tried to be calm, to be clear headed when it came to situations that were beyond his control. But he had had so many days to think and remember the feel of Heero's touch. It drove him insane! For once, someone had broken through his control and it scared him. Heero wasn't supposed to have such a hold over him. No one was! Yet, he had lost his control the night he had spent with Heero. It frightened and unnerved him.   
  
"Screw the agreement. I need to talk to you. Somewhere private," Heero said, repeating his other words.   
  
Wufei looked down, thoughtful for a moment. Then he nodded. "Very well. We'll go to the backroom. It's almost lunch time anyway." He pulled out of Heero's hold and walked over to the door of his shop. He locked it and hung a sign. Then he turned around and led Heero to the backroom, wondering if he was doing the right thing.   
  
Heero watched as Wufei walked, admiring and loving the grace and elegance of the other man's movements. They were confident and flowing like water. He also had to admit that the jeans Wufei wore complimented his long legs and firm ass pretty well too.   
  
When they reached the backroom, Wufei closed the door behind them and leaned against it. He looked up at Heero. "So, what do you want to talk about? What brought you *all* the way from L1 to Earth?"   
  
Deciding words was never his best skill, Heero stepped forward and slid his arms around Wufei, pressing his lips to the Chinese man's, kissing him for all he was worth.   
  
Wufei stiffened and struggled. What was Heero doing?? But for all he tried to fight, to ignore the sweet feelings Heero stirred inside of him, he couldn't resist for long. He melted against the Japanese man and sighed softly, loving the feeling of Heero's warm hands on his back, pressing him tighter against the other man. His eyes slid closed and he lost himself into the heat, the desire and the pure need that churned through him.   
  
Then, as sudden as it began, it ended.   
  
Heero leaned against Wufei, pressing the Chinese man into the door with his weight. He was breathing heavily, almost weaving from the incredible kiss he had initiated. He pressed another soft kiss to Wufei's cheek and whispered in his hear, "It wasn't a mistake."   
  
Wufei closed his eyes and licked his lips. He took a deep breath and calmed himself before asking, "Are you sure?"   
  
"I can't stop thinking about you. Relena is a sweet girl and she deserves to be loved by someone. But that someone isn't me," Heero admitted. He raised his head and looked Wufei in the eye. "Will you accept me? Will you say it's okay and be with me? I don't know what's going on. I'm really confused but these past few days...Wufei, will you give this a chance?"   
  
The Chinese man was silent for a moment, seemingly fascinated with the wall past Heero's head. Then he turned his head just a bit and looked Heero in the eye.   
  
"Yes."  
  
It was that simple. Just that soft 'yes' and everything seemed okay again. Well, almost. There was still that problem with Relena. Heero felt his heart twist. How was he going to tell that girl that he didn't love her anymore--if it ever went that deep--and that he wanted Chang Wufei?   
  
"Thinking about Relena?" Wufei asked quietly.   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Are you going to tell her?"   
  
Heero glared at him. "Of course I'm going to tell her. You're not going to be some...some secret. I want everyone to know that you're my...lover and that you mean a lot to me." He stumbled over a few words, not sure if he was supposed to use them. Everything was new to him and he just didn't know what to make of it except he truly cared for Wufei, maybe even come to love him when they had more time together. Their whole future together was suddenly ahead of him and for once in his life he wasn't afraid of it. He wasn't hoping for a "normal" life, he wasn't hoping that a sweet innocent kept his past at bay, all he cared about was that he went through the next few years--and maybe the rest of his life--with Wufei. There was nothing being written into stone, nothing saying they were going to be together forever. But for once he might have found the peace of soul he had been looking for and he was as sure as hell going to keep it for as long as he could. For once in his life, he was making a decision without worrying about the "mistakes".   
  
~*~  
A few days later--  
Relena stepped out of the taxi and stared up at the beautiful mansion that was supposed to be Chang Wufei's home. Her eyes widened in appreciation and she absently wondered how the Chinese man had afforded it. She had never seen him as the wealthy type, not like Quatre Raberba Winner. Now that boy had money.   
  
She smoothed down the pale pink dress she had decided to wear and took a deep breath. She had been worrying about Heero for the past few days but she hadn't dared do anything about it. She knew that if she pushed too hard she was going to lose Heero. And she didn't want to lose him. She was his. She had worked so hard to have him!  
  
Okay, I bet he's just going to tell me everything is okay and that we're going to get married and everything will be perfect, she thought confidently, trying to convince her of a truth that her heart couldn't even believe. She steeled herself and walked up to the front door. She knocked on it twice and waited.   
  
After a few moments the door opened and Heero stood there. He was dressed in the same white shirt and blue jeans he had worn when he left L1. Nothing about him seemed to change--or at least physically. There was something else...  
  
Suddenly, Relena realized what she was seeing. Heero was happy. Honest to God happy. There was no dark, foreboding feeling about him. He was...simple happy. Content. What had happened to him?   
  
"Relena. I'm glad you could come," Heero said quietly, his voice low and smooth with the husky hint that always sent shivers up Relena's spine and arms. Except this time, the chills came from a different source. Even before Heero had opened his mouth she knew she had lost him. But to whom? Who could she have lost him to? Who could have held his heart the way she had--or hoped she had?   
  
Then, the person made himself known.   
  
Chang Wufei stood at the top of the stairs of the foyer, his hair down and looking almost unreal under the soft sunlight that poured in from the windows behind him. He smiled; it was a simple smile that revealed nothing. If at best, it could have been called 'polite'. He descended the stairs with a grace and ease that even Relena had to admire. She had never known anyone--much less a *man*--who could walk down the stairs like that.   
  
"Hello, Relena. I'm glad you could make it. Would you like some tea in the parlor?" Wufei asked, his voice quiet yet firm, confidant.   
  
Relena suddenly felt a well of anger and almost hate towards the Chinese man. Of course he had reason to feel like that! He had won! And they hadn't even had a battle. He had won, hands down.   
  
"No, thank you," she said in a low voice, a hint of edge at it. She looked at Heero. If she had lost Heero, she wanted to hear it from him first. She had to be sure. She had to be sure if she was ever going to have another chance with him. "Heero, you wanted to talk?"   
  
Heero nodded and gestured for Relena to follow him. He didn't take her hand. As they walked down the way that was going to lead to the parlor, Relena threw a look over her shoulder. Wufei still stood there, looking serene and calm in every possible way. She glared at him but got no response. Furious, she turned back around and continued to follow Heero to the parlor.   
  
~*~  
"Are you gay, Heero?"   
  
Those were the first words out of her mouth when they were at the privacy of the parlor. He had gone over to the window and was now leaning against it, his expression calm with a hint of sadness.   
  
"Yes."   
  
Relena took a deep shaky breath, fighting back the pain inside her chest and head. "How long have you known?"   
  
"...for a while."   
  
"And yet you stayed with me?" Humiliation burned through her as she realized that a while could have been since they started their relationship. What had she been to him? Just a good fuck that put him nicely in the denial category?   
  
"I thought I cared deeply for you." Heero looked at Relena. "This isn't easy...but...you had always seemed to be my salvation, Relena. You had always seemed to be the light that I needed, the innocence, and the pure light. I thought I needed that to keep my demons at bay, I thought I needed that to be at peace. I thought you were just right for me." He sighed. "But I was wrong. I was so wrong. And I'm sorry, Relena, to have put you through all of this and never gave a thought for your feelings. I was selfish."   
  
"Of course you were selfish!" Relena raged, feeling the hurt tear through her and kill her from the inside out. "How could you, Heero Yuy? I loved you! I gave you everything!" She wanted to hit him! Oh gods above, she wanted to him *so* hard!   
  
"I'm sorry, Relena. If there's anything that can make up for it... I never meant for this to happen," Heero admitted, running his fingers through his hair nervously.   
  
"What happened?" Relena demanded. "I want to know. How could Chang Wufei of all people steal you away from me?"   
  
Heero was silent for a moment. "Even I don't know that, Relena. He--I don't know what he does to me but...he actually..."   
  
"...Gave you the peace you craved so badly. I thought you needed the light, Heero." Her voice quivered with suppressed rage and pain. "I thought *I* was the light for you! Why him? Isn't he just darkness? Isn't that what you wanted to run from?"   
  
"Yes. That's what I wanted to run from. But in the end, I was running from something that was worth everything."   
  
"Tell me! How!" Relena demanded. "Tell me! I have to know! What happened at that party?"   
  
Heero Yuy took a deep breath and began to tell Relena Dorlain of all the events that had happened since he stepped into the Chang mansion for that reunion party.   
  
~*~  
"You can't even remember what happened? And yet...you found peace in his arms?" Relena asked quietly. She had screamed, raged and cried throughout the entire time she had been with Heero. She looked down at her watch. Five hours. They had been talking, arguing, and yelling, for five hours. She had never known she had such stamina.   
  
"Yes." Heero looked so sad as he sat across from Relena. "I think...maybe I found some understanding with him. Maybe...It wasn't innocence or pureness that I needed. But understanding."   
  
"And I could never give you that. I lived a good deal of my life as a pacifist."   
  
Heero nodded.   
  
Relena stood up on shaky legs and nodded numbly. "I understand. Thank you, Heero. I think...Maybe I'll understand one day. Not today though. Never today. Give me time." She didn't even try to smile. "Maybe one day...we'll be friends again."   
  
Heero nodded and stood up as well to escort Relena to the door.   
  
"I'll see myself out," Relena said, shaking her head.   
  
"Do you need me to call a taxi?" Heero asked.   
  
"No, I have my cell phone and the taxi is only waiting in town. I knew...I guess I knew somehow that I was going to go back alone." Her voice wasn't bitter, but rather, it was infinitely sad.   
  
"I'm sorry, Relena."   
  
Relena nodded. "I know." Then she turned and left the room. She didn't seen Chang Wufei at all on her way out of the house and for that she was grateful. She didn't know what she would do if she saw the man. Probably try to hurt him badly, even though she knew he could easily kill her with one hit.   
  
She stepped out of the house and looked up at the sky with a thoughtful expression. She knew she wasn't going to forgive either Heero or Wufei for this pain her heart just yet, but maybe, some day. Yes, time would probably do most of the healing with her. As well as understanding.  
  
Pulling out her cell phone, she called for her taxi.   
  
~*~  
"I'm sorry, Heero."   
  
"What for?"   
  
"I...I don't know. I just feel as if I should say it. I feel like I did something bad and it needs to be amended."   
  
"You didn't do anything bad, Wufei. You were just the unlucky fool that got me in the end of all this mess. I'm so sorry I had to drag you and Relena into this soul-searching of mine."   
  
A pause.   
  
"I believe that some people need to find their soul one time or another. To learn to better understand themselves when they're at their most confused times. I know that I have done it many times in the past."   
  
A smile. "I know, Wufei. And that's what makes you so wonderful. You understand. You understand *me*."  
  
"So...it wasn't a mistake?"   
  
He slipped his arms around the one he cared for deeply and smiled at him before pressing a gently kiss to his lips. "No, Wufei, it wasn't a mistake."   
  
~*Owari*~  
  
Ah, and that's the end of it! Took me a while to write it, that was for sure! I forgot when I started it though *sweatdrop* But what I *do* know is that it took a while to get it done. I hope it was good!  
  
Finished: May 31, 2001  



End file.
